life as it happens

so this is going to be my life update since... february 2019. quite funny isn't it that last i updated my life was two months entering 2019, and now I'm updating again by about two months to exit 2019. i am thinking to read again my last pots, that is the update, to compare with my current situation, but i'm going to do it later. now i'.m just going to write down everything that pasts up my little mind

so.

i am half my first semester in Bachelor of Psychology (Industrial & Organization), at Universiti Malaysia Sabah. I should, and am, but I must say that some days I should be reminded me to be grateful, of the fact that I get to learn my targeted course, that is Psychology. Post-UPU 2019 was a bit crazy, to me honestly. After our Foundation, my friends and I all hopefully applied for our dream degree courses. We were hopeful, and may be a bit too anxious. Well I'm going to admit that I felt really anxious, waiting for both my semester 2 result and the degree placement result. Sometimes I wrote on Twitter about hope, whispering hopefulness to people who may downright feel nervous too, but didn't express that.

Receiving the degree placement is crazy too. Some rejoiced, getting what was aimed. Some, including me, is adequately satisfied and grateful. Some curled into sadness, either not being happy with what they receive or just did not get anything at all. We also shifted to make preparation for our new life at a new place, bidding hopefully-temporary farewell to our friends.

September came. Some met again at their new universities. Some start a new journey at a strange place quite in isolation, like me. Long distance relationships, or geographically united. 

some challenges that i want to highlight, one of it is of course about money. urgh. it's very weird. back in my MRSM days, i must admit that my pocket money is enough, especially with the fact that the daily meals is catered by the school Dewan Selera. In Foundation I get emotionally cracked due to the different expectation of how I used up my money. I've found that the same amount of money that I monthly used for food, stationery, activitiy fee and toiletries back in MRSM, is only sufficient for my daily meals. Which means I need more for activities and toiletries and the other stuff beside eating. i tried cutting back my meals, residing to Maggi, but my mother always frown upon the idea of such food. and if eating real food, i only eat rice that must come with chicken/fish and vegetables, because i don't really eat fried rice for lunch nor dinner. 

sometimes i secretly wished that my parents earn less than 10k per month, just so i would be eligible for the bantuan kewangan asasi. i swear my friends received a lot. some bought newly released shoes with that, but of course some used money accordingly. but again and again i realised that no matter how burdensome the thought of money to me, i was always well-fed. i had never had to take meal coupons from HEP. i had never be desperate enough to have sausages dishes, instead of real protein dishes. i was pressured to sustain my lifestyle using an amount of money that wasn't relevant to my new situation, but in the end i always have enough, though i have to ask for additional money from my parents

for my degree, though it's only been more than two months here, the challenge is quite different, i must say. my parents are more understanding of how i spend my money, but now my new friends have this idea of how well-off i am. perhaps it's the iPhone 7+ with the battered cover I've got from my mom, or perhaps my parents job. i don't know if my friends ever heard about this Malay word that is 'tanggungan', and if there's also this thing called 'kos sara hidup'. the weirdest thing, that i still take offense is, being told by a friend that i should ask for a car from my parents. i was internally baffled. i had never ask extravagant things from my parents, like a car, or a holiday trip, or an overseas school trip, or  designer clothe. i won't ask unless it is a need and i believe it is relevant. and when someone else told me that i should request from my parents, when it is only myself and i that really understand the flow of money into my life, is to me, somewhat morbid. i carefully asked why she specifically tell me to ask such thing to my parents, and she said 'sebab kau mampu'. umm hello do u have any idea what i can actually afford? people's ideas, i tell you

Also, ever since Foundation, I came to realize that there is more to life than academic stuff. back in MRSM, in my every breath it is only about the year's prime examination, but since Foundation and now degree, other aspects of life seems can no longer be ignored. i am growing into a real adult so I must also set some capacity for my family. and I should also think about finding and maintainig the love of my life, let's be real. and my friends are all scattered around, we no longer in the same school compound, i must set some time for them too.

and reconnecting is just hard. my friends and i  have quite different academic schedule. 

in other words, life is easier back in school.

but life shifts