So nowadays I am facing a load of assignments, and I got stuck doing one of it that I got demotivated. And so it began; visualizing the future to get my spirit back
I have always been the kind to dream of the future (because I've found some that actually not the kind, if you think I'm acting as an exception or whatever). Back in boarding school I have big exams every year, and with family expectations to fulfil and the oh-my-parents-paid-a-lot-for-exam-fee-i-must-not-blew-it responsibility, I always have a piece of paper containing characteristics of girl I dream to be. The paper I would pasted at the area intimate, and always seen by me, like at the inside of my locker, or at the small area I always change my clothe.
And in form 5 it was a bit extra; I pasted a mahjong paper at the wall next to my bed, and there I pasted vibrant pictures of London city, and details of my dreams. Because I so wanted to study in London. And I remember whenever I sat doing my homework while leaning against or facing the mahjong paper, there was this electric and exciting energy.
Fast forward and now it's 2020 and I am not in London studying.
In fact I go to a lesser-known Malaysian public university.
But at least the programme I am in is amazing; a psychology course (which is more important than the university I go to), as far as I know does not require me to do the final year project (we have the choice of academic writing or industrial training), and it only takes 3 years to be completed (which I did not expect but hey I love it!). So I should do my best for this degree, right? I don't want to look back one day and think that I could have done it better
So in the attempt to not screw up this semester's pointer, I looked for the remnants of motivation that may exist. As next in stage would be the ultimate adult life, of course we all have that dream of having a home of our own, right? (I know in this economy it is advised by some to just rent, but please let a girl dream TT)
So I ggoogled some neighborhood by some reputable property developer. Damn, the choice!!! I narrowed it down to the specific design I want- landed, 2-storeyonly (so many stairs so leceh lah) blablabla. And then click click click I've found the dream home!!!!
It has nice interior and exterior design, the neighborhood seems peaceful, perfect for the quiet weekend after busy workdays, grounds for my future children to run around. What a wonderful world. But of course finding the perfect house is much more complicated TT
That exact house is 1 hour away from areas I think I would be working (Putrajaya, Shah Alam, Kuala Lumpur), no actual neighborhood public schools around (does this mean that I will have to send my future children to private schools nearby??), also the nearest city isn't Kuala Lumpur (shhshhshsh I enjoy the malls in Kuala Lumpur ok). Also that means that I may have to travel an hour to get to work, and maybe later I would have to hire an in-house maid to look after my kids in case there is no daycare around. So much things to think lah pulak!!
So there goes my ambitious dream TT
Also let's not forget that the house price keeps increasing that until the time I actually want to buy the house, only God knows how many million it may cost
Also recently I've been reading blogs of AliaIshak and Ajrinaa (Vivy Yusof's friends). I think we all want their lifestyle; of premium headscarves, branded outfit, expensive brunches, and glamorous catch-ups with friend. Everything seems so sophisticated and elegant. Well I sure want to be able such lifestyle too, if not exactly replicating the lifestyle, honestly
And reading their blogs, somehow I feel very little. Their education were sponsored, while I am still looking for sponsorship. They must have impressive extra curricular record in school, while I am just starting building mine in uni. It somehow seems so far, you know. Kinda seems unreachable. Perhaps I should have joined more extra curriculars in school back then, but I know that I have tried my best by joining the ones that I actually passionate about, though they seem small and insignificant compared to prestigious debate and science competitions my friends join. Well that's one thing about university, you are more exposed to the cause of your interest, not like in school where it only leans to a certain interest
I don'y know what I am rambling right now. And last night I also read a discussion of entry level salary in the oil and gas industry. Well of course we all want high entry level salary, right. But then I teringat about graduation depression, read some articles bout it, and it strucked me when the writer lebih kurang says 'the one who gets the perfect job is the outlier, not a norm'.
That kinda... I don't know.
Lately I've been thinking that my recent struggle in developing and improving myself is always about finding the right balance. I want to be critical, but still be grateful and not always complaining. I want to be opinionated, but not that I appear rude or insensitive. I want to be hardworking, but not to the point that I forgot that God also has His plan. And maybe now it is that I want to continue to dream, but not to the point that I feel inferior, and demotivated when the dream seems far off?
Comments
Post a Comment