Let me be raw and honest for a bit now, please.
I think usually I am contented with life, despite never-ending list of assignments and extracurricular tasks, if I reflected on my life I would say that I am happy and grateful. I still am happy and grateful now, really.
It is just that currently it is wedding season, and I just attended the wedding reception of a childhood neighbor, who is the age of my older sister. And I remembered how the last time I met one of my close friends, she asked in a rather cautious tone, "awak still tak ada boyfriend ke?". Emphasis on word "still". And at that moment honestly I found myself feeling vulnerable, and giving excuses that I am in my final year so I am purposely deciding not to date, which is true by the way, but talking it out loud just felt really defensive and pathetic. That said friend is still in a years-long relationship, by the way.
And I recently went to an open house of another close friend, and found myself talking with peers how single we are and how, when we were a lot younger, we thought of marrying at a certain age. Look at us now, currently have no prospects whatsoever.
It is not helping that this one guy I have been following on Twitter for his opinions on current issues, recently I thought he is cute and on my league, but then HIS FRIEND IS PROMOTING HIM UNDER A TWEET TAGGING @TWTJODOH. He got hundreds of likes too, so idk how many girls that had slid into his DM, so there goes my competition. Not like I already have a foot into the competition pun, LOL.
So currently there is a part of me that wants to approach him so as not to lose chance to have him, while me myself still struggling with my piles of assignment, worrying my upcoming internship, graduation, as well as the inevitably unemployment (please pray that I will secure a good job at a good place with starting pay of RM3K immediately after completing my studies ya 😭😭)
But what is meant for me will come for me, no?
Because I hope so
There's this natural want of a companionship, and there's this pressure of being well-established right off uni, and there's this side of me just want to forgive myself for having a lot on my plate while still, honestly everyone, being only 22. Most people in Malaysia are still studying and figuring theirselves out at 22, and here I am about to graduate already
May everything be eased. Amiin.
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